The card concierge

One card for everything is a terrible idea.

A card for the trial you will absolutely forget to cancel. A card for the present she shouldn't see on the statement yet. A card for the checkout you're only 70% sure about. A card for the country whose currency is having a bad decade. We match the card to the occasion — and tell you exactly what each one asks of you.

We don't ask why. We just recommend.

12actual occasions
2scores that matter
0rankings for sale
A surprise gift bought discreetly at a flower market
01The Surprise
A cautious checkout at an outdoor market
03The Sketchy Checkout
A traveller using one card across currencies
05The Nomad
Start here

What's the occasion?

Every other comparison site sorts by cashback percentage. Nobody decides that way. People decide by situation. Pick yours.

The actual products

Fifteen cards. No anonymous placeholders.

Real crypto cards imported from the ApplyCryptoCard research engine, scored on rewards, fees, features and availability. Product terms remain provisional until their next provider check.

Affiliate disclosure. Some outbound product links may compensate CardSex. Commercial relationships never change Ask, Take or ordering.

Our two numbers

Everyone shows the rewards. Nobody shows the price of entry.

So we built the two scores this category has always been missing. Both are computed from published terms. Neither is for sale.

Score one

The Ask

How much of yourself the issuer wants before it hands you a card. Runs from an email address, apparently up to passport, selfie, proof of address and where the money came from.

  • Documents required at each tier
  • What data is retained, and who it's shared with
  • Whether a tier exists below full verification — and its exact published ceiling
  • How traceable the funding route is
Score two

The Take

What the card actually costs you once the marketing page is closed. The category hides its margin in the FX spread and the inactivity fee, so that's where we look hardest.

  • Issuance, monthly and annual fees
  • FX spread measured against the interbank rate
  • ATM cost and the real free allowance
  • Top-up fees by funding method, plus inactivity and closure charges

How much are you willing to hand over?

An email address, apparently Passport and a selfie
The whole market, one picture

Asks little. Costs little. Bottom-left corner.

Every card we cover, plotted on the only two axes that decide the purchase. The green quadrant is where you want to be standing.

Four taps

Or just let us pick.

Four questions, one recommendation, and the reason we chose it. No email required — it would be a strange thing for us of all people to demand.

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Discretion · Included
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The serious part

The joke is the name. The numbers are not a joke.

Ranking isn't for sale

Providers can buy a placement slot, clearly labelled as one. They cannot buy an Ask or a Take score, or a position in the chart. The moment that changes, this site is worthless and we know it.

We publish the method

Every score is computed from published terms with a formula you can read and a date we last checked it. If you can't reproduce our number, tell us and we'll fix it.

We say who it's wrong for

Every card page names the people who should not open that card. It costs us commission. It is the only reason to trust anything else on the page.